


Everything You Ever

by carolinablu85



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Family, Flashback, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-08
Updated: 2011-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinablu85/pseuds/carolinablu85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah makes a list of everything he's gained from his relationship with Luke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything You Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Nuke BigBang 2010. There's lots of flashbacks that skip around, sorry. I tried to make it a little easier to read by having flashbacks in past-tense and present day in, well, present-tense. Thanks for reading!

The apartment is wonderfully, mercifully, beautifully silent when he gets home. Not that he prefers being alone or anything, but after the day that he’s just had…

Noah drops onto the couch with an exhausted sigh. After a long, grueling day at work he stopped by the farm just for a quick visit. Unfortunately, Faith was the only one home. Normally that wouldn’t be an ‘unfortunately,’ but today Faith had broken up with her boyfriend, and no one had been home to console her. Enter poor, totally unequipped Noah.

It was way out of his area of expertise, but Noah had tried as best he could. Luckily, all she had really needed was a shoulder to cry on, and after hearing what this Anthony person had put her through, Noah is inclined to agree with her: the guy is an asshole.

Their conversation gets Noah thinking, though. In his attempts to comfort her, he offered up some words about how relationships are a partnership, a balance. If you’re not getting anything out of it, it’s not worth being in. Faith seemed to like that idea. At least she had stopped crying, right? He hated seeing her cry.

A spot of yellow on the floor catches his eye then- one of his notepads. Noah has taken to carrying a yellow paper legal pad around with him, for whenever he needs to jot down notes for his latest film project. There’s probably a notebook in every room of the apartment by this point for whenever inspiration hits (Luke’s idea, of course).

He reaches down and picks up the notepad, looking over what had been written the night before. But his brain keeps straying back to Faith, tear-stained and heartbroken as only someone that age can be. She had given him this wide eyed, confused look when he tried to explain that partnership. _What are you supposed to get out of a relationship then, Noah?_

Flipping to a blank page, Noah’s hand starts writing before the rest of him can catch up. He’s a lucky guy, he knows that. He’s in love with one of the most amazing men on the planet. But can he ever put that into words? To try to figure out just what he has gotten from Luke, the things he now has in his life that he’s never had before- can he do that?

Maybe it’s worth trying. He twirls the pen between his fingers for a second- a nervous habit he’s developed that always shows up whenever he’s about to start a new project- and then begins writing.

 **  
_1\. A home_   
**

************

“Okay, now you just have to measure out two cups of flour…” Noah said absentmindedly, reading from the recipe in front of him as he held out the measuring cup. After nearly a minute, he realized it was still in his hand. “Luke?” He looked up. Luke was standing nearby, leaning against the counter and giving Noah his best  _are-you-kidding?_ -eyebrow raise. Noah sighed. “Fine, I guess  _I_ just have to measure the flour.”

“That’s better,” Luke grinned.

Noah dropped his arm back to his side, giving his best poor-me-orphan-who-lost-his-puppy look. “I really am going to do all of this by myself, aren’t I?”

Luke was still grinning, leaning back oh-so-casually against the fridge, his shoulder dangerously close to knocking some Ethan-made magnets to the floor. “And that’s a shock to you?”

A huge, put-upon sigh. “It shouldn’t be by now, I guess.” He sat down at the table, turning the page of the recipe book, double checking that he had all the ingredients in front of him.

“Aww,” Luke stepped forward, ruffling his hair and dropping a loud, sloppy kiss on top of his head. “You know this cake is better off with me  _not_  helping.”

Noah fake-grumbled, wondering just when it was that he and Luke really did become the young gay Odd Couple. “As long as I get to tell Natalie I made it myself.”

He felt Luke’s laugh against his back. “Deal.” He watched Noah start preparing the batter. “I just can’t understand why you like cooking so much. I mean, having to follow directions and all that, exactly? No thanks. And, like,  _measuring_  stuff and having to wait for things to boil, all that…”

“Well I’ve always been good at following directions,” Noah answered absent-mindedly, reaching out to gather the eggs and vanilla extract. Then he paused, smiling up at Luke. “One day I’m going to cook us a real dinner. I’ve always wanted to. Three courses, dessert, everything.”

Luke raised his eyebrows. “So that means no pizza and double mint mocha chip ice cream?”

Noah’s smile turned into a mock glare. “The ‘ice cream’ can come later if you want. But right now? No. A real home-cooked meal. Like it’s supposed to be, like… like I’ve always wanted.”

He looked back down at the mixing bowl so he wouldn’t have to see the look of understanding pass across Luke’s face. They’ve both gotten very good at pretending that Noah’s life didn’t start until he arrived in Oakdale. Anything before that? Not worth thinking about.

He could actually feel Luke shake himself free of any sad thoughts. “You know, I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what?” Noah took the bait, cracking an egg on the side of the bowl and dropping the contents inside.

“Been in the kitchen without getting ordered away by Mom or Grandma. It’s nice! Check out my character growth!”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Let me guess, you’ve never baked a thing in your life.”

“Hey,” Luke was indignant. “I can do… something. Let me crack an egg!”

“You  _are_  a cracked egg,” he mumbled.

Luke lightly slapped his shoulder. “I heard that. And just for that…” he reached past Noah, picked up one of the eggs. “I can do this!”

“Luke-” Noah tried to pull the bowl away, but he wasn’t in time. It all happened so fast that, even if pressed by a cop in one of those scary interrogation rooms, he wouldn’t be able to say what happened. But all of a sudden there was a cracked egg splattered across the floor.

And a sheepish Luke looking at him. “Oops?”

He sighed. Again. “What was that about character growth?” He tossed a nearby washcloth at his boyfriend. Sometimes, he told himself, he liked Luke much better as a boyfriend than a roommate.

Luke grinned, looking so much like Ethan getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. (It was a cliché phrase, but Noah had seen it actually happen at least a dozen times.) “Why do I have to clean it up? I thought we were partners- I did the first part, so you do the last part. That’s fair!”

Noah was fully prepared to keep up his end of the banter, but a better idea suddenly popped up in his brain. Instead of rolling his eyes, he smirked, standing up and leaning back against the kitchen table, letting his t-shirt ride up just a little bit in the front. Judging by the look on Luke’s face, it did. “You know… there’s one other thing I’ve never done in a kitchen before and always wanted to.”

Luke transformed from little-kid-bouncy to panther-like-stalking in 2.2 seconds flat. “Oh yeah?” his voice got deeper. Noah wondered if he even knew he did that. “What’s that?” He sidled up to Noah, hooking his fingers in Noah’s belt loops. He leaned in, pausing with his lips a few centimeters from Noah’s. Thinking he was in control.

He wasn’t. Noah closed the distance between them, resting his mouth against Luke’s. Not kissing. “This,” he murmured.

And then broke an egg on top of Luke’s head.

“Hey!” Luke yelped loudly, jumping about a foot into the air.

Noah fought hard to keep from laughing as Luke glared at him, pieces of gooey yellow yolk dripping down his face. It was possibly the hardest thing Noah had ever had to do in his life, keeping his face cool and casual. And then, feeling brave, he even dared to raise an eyebrow innocently.

Which ended up being his downfall. Luke’s eyes narrowed and, one hand still holding Noah close, the other scrambled on the table behind him. Luke lit up victoriously, and when his hand came into view again, it was full of chocolate frosting.

“Luke-!” Noah offered up the quickest of protests, but not quick enough. Luke smeared the frosting across Noah’s face, almost from ear to ear. Noah blinked until the chocolate was out of his eyes, catching Luke’s answering smirk. “Oh,” his voice rumbled. “You did not just do that.”

Luke waved his still frosting-covered hand. “I actually think I just did.”

They stared at each other for a second, Mexican standoff-style. Noah swore he could hear the theme music to  _The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly_. Though he was pretty sure Clint Eastwood didn’t use a bag of flour for a weapon. But Noah did. He dumped as much of it over Luke as he could, hoping it would all stick to the egg-y mess already there, before Luke was able to knock the bag out of his hands.

After that it was a free for all, and the food that had been spread out on the table was now covering the counter and the floor and them. Mostly them. Noah tried to twist away from a second strawberry assault and ended up slipping on a tablespoon of butter on the floor. He reached out for something to regain his balance, but it was too late. He ended up on his back on the hard tile with Luke- the thing he had grabbed- smack on top of him.

Both of them were covered in what was once a potential cake, grinning, breathing hard and laughing all at once. Luke tried to glare, about to scold Noah for bringing him to the ground too, but Noah beat him to it, throwing his words back in his face. “Oops.”

Luke shifted just a little, not making any move to get off of him. Instead he ran his fingers down Noah’s arms, taking his hands and pulling them up to pin them to the floor on either side of Noah’s head. “We’re a mess,” he announced, not at all sorry.

Noah wasn’t sorry either. He tangled his fingers up with Luke’s. “Why do I get the feeling you’re still going to make me clean all of this up?”

Luke pretended to contemplate, tilting his head to the side. “Hmmm…” he rested more and more weight on his forearms, sinking more and more onto Noah. “Maybe not all of it.” Then he leaned down and licked a bit of chocolate frosting off his cheek.

He shivered a little at the touch, leaning up against Luke holding him down, wanting more. “I think you missed a spot,” he murmured.

Luke’s grin softened to something sweeter, like strawberries and chocolate frosting. Which is also what he tasted like, when he once again leaned in and captured Noah’s mouth with his own. “I think I’ll get to it at some point,” he finally responded, kissing his cheek again.

And despite the fact that there were strawberry bits in his hair and Luke’s neck was sticky from vanilla extract, and despite the still-there instincts to  _Clean up this mess!_ and  _Finish what you started!_  and despite the fact that they still needed a dessert dish of some kind… Noah let it all go. Happily.

Luke hummed softly in contentment, licking and kissing off more of the food debris on Noah’s face, Noah trying to return the favor as much as he could. Until both of them forgot about food altogether and just concentrated on the taste of each other. Noah’s favorite flavor.

He opened his mouth just a little bit more, mixing Luke with vanilla and sugar. Luke’s hands were still pinning his down, the hold growing a little more desperate. Noah knew exactly where this was heading and he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop-

“Ahem.”

And suddenly it was like they were eighteen again, ruefully pulling apart in a matter of seconds. And just like when they were eighteen, Holden stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyebrows raised, arms crossed, and smile knowing. But at least now it was their own kitchen, and instead of offering excuses they just grinned right back at him, sitting side by side on the messy floor.

Holden shook his head. “You left the front door unlocked again. Did we come at a bad time?” Lily and Emma appeared next to him, taking everything in with maternally wide eyes, which did make Noah feel a little bit guilty about the mess. Not enough to actually do anything, of course, but still...

“Yes,” Luke shot back immediately. “We were actually very busy making a cake for Natalie’s Girl Scout barbeque.” Noah nodded helpfully.

Holden just snorted, disbelieving. Emma clucked her tongue, looking like she wanted nothing more than to grab them by the ears and start scolding, or grab a mop and start cleaning. “Oh boys, look at all this! Noah, see? This is why we never let Luke help in the kitchen.”

“I don’t know,” Noah managed to keep a straight face. “There are some advantages to keeping him around.”

************

The looks on the adult Snyders faces is permanently fixed in his brain. Besides their slight mortification (or maybe that was just him…), there was no recrimination, no anger or disappointment for making a mess. Just exasperation. They even seemed somewhat… happy. Happy that the boys were happy. Happy that Noah could just cut loose and not care about the rules all the time.

It reminds Noah to add another thing to his Luke List,

 **  
_2\. Disorder_   
**

before moving on to more serious things. More important things.

Though he hates that it still happens, going through memories like this makes him think of his father. Because in a way, a list of things Luke has given him is also a list of things the Colonel hasn’t. And Luke has given him a lot.

It has taken him a long time to accept it, but now Noah can admit that he’d been bullied most of his life. And before Luke taught him how, Noah never had a reason to stand up to someone else. But, again, that was B.L. Before Luke. He’s different now, everything is different now. He adds something else to the list…

 **  
_3\. Courage_   
**

************

Crap, crap, crap. Work ran late yet again today, and Noah was positive Luke was right now waiting for him in Old Town, tapping his foot and looking at his watch. “Crap, crap, crap,” he muttered under his breath as he hurried through Old Town to their meeting spot. Their bench.

He rounded the last corner, apologetic-please-love-me smile firmly in place… and froze. What the hell?

Luke was standing with his hands up placating, eyes wide and sincere. In front of him stood a guy about their age, towering over him menacingly. A very big guy. Quite possibly the same height as Noah, with an extra forty pounds of muscle or so. A girl was tugging on his arm futilely, but the guy was focused on Luke.  _His_  Luke. Noah quickened his pace even more, eyes narrowed worriedly.

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” the guy shouted into Luke’s face.

Luke tried to calm the guy down, even as he took another step back. “Look, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. She dropped her bracelet. I was just giving it back to her.”

“Tommy, seriously, it was nothing!” the girl shook his arm again.

The guy Tommy wasn’t listening. He took a step closer, pushing a finger into Luke’s chest belligerently, enough force behind it to cause Luke to hit the brick wall behind him. “Why don’t you go and hit on someone else’s girlfriend, okay?”

Luke’s jaw dropped, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of that statement. Unfortunately, Tommy didn’t appear to get the joke. He reached for Luke with one hand, his other hand balling into a fist and rearing back.

“Hey!” Noah grabbed the fist and pulled the guy off Luke, twisting his arm behind his back and shoving him face first into that nearby wall. “What’s going on?”

Tommy tried to pull away, but Noah knew what he was doing. He twisted the arm a little tighter. Tommy winced, grunted angrily, but calmed down. “It’s none of your business, dude. Walk away.”

Noah laughed a little. “Thanks for the warning, but I’m making it my business.” He pushed at the guy’s arm again. “So tell me why you were about to hit him.”

Tommy glared over his shoulder. “That guy was moving in on my girlfriend!”

Luke was actually still laughing. The whole thing made Noah roll his eyes. “First of all, you’re setting a great example to win her back. Second of all, that’d be pretty stupid for ‘that guy’ do to, considering his boyfriend might see the whole thing and get as mad as you did.”

The guy snorted skeptically. “Sure, he’s gay. How would you know? What, are you his boyfriend, Bodyguard?”

Well that settled that question- the guy was definitely an idiot. “Damn right I am,” Noah finally took a step back, shoving Tommy away from him and Luke. He reached out, taking Luke’s hand in his and pulling him close, his voice getting louder and defiant, possibly enough for all of Old Town to hear. “You want to explain to me the logistics of just how my boyfriend was hitting on your girlfriend?”

The girl, blushing the brightest red Noah had ever seen, pulled on his hand again, dragging him away. “Come  _on_ , Tommy, let’s go! God, nothing happened, I can’t believe you even…” her words trailed off as the couple rounded the corner and disappeared.

Noah kept glaring in their direction anyway, until he realized Luke was staring at him. He turned to the side, in time to see Luke batting his eyelashes. “My hero,” he sighed, kissing Noah’s cheek.

Noah’s eyes cast downward as another thought suddenly came to mind. Uh-oh… “I’m sorry, Luke. I know you can, like, handle yourself and fight your own battles. I just wasn’t thinking, I saw him trying to hit you, and I know you’re not some damsel in distress, I didn’t mean to imply you were, or-”

Luke kissed him again, this time on his mouth. Probably to shut him up. He kept on kissing, until Noah’s muscles were more relaxed and he forgot what had just happened. He forgot where they were. He pretty much forgot his own name.

It took him a second to realize Luke had pulled back. He opened his eyes- apparently he had closed them at some point- and caught Luke’s smile. “What?”

Luke shook his head. “I kinda like that you weren’t thinking. That your first instinct was to step up and protect your boyfriend.” He pinched Noah’s chin playfully, waggled his head. “And it was kinda hot, too.” His hand slid down from Noah’s chin to his shoulder, down his arm, linking their fingers. “And anyway, now we’re even.” The grin turned gleeful. “Since you owed me for what happened at Metro last week.”

Noah groaned loudly. “I thought we agreed never to mention that? Ever? Ever again?”

************

He almost laughs out loud at that, remembering exactly what incident Luke was referring to. It’s also true that no one had ever stood up for  _him_ before he came to Oakdale. And Luke has done it so many times, he can probably spend a few hours making a list of just those stories. Though some are just more entertaining than others…

 **  
_4\. Safety_   
**

************

“So, um, we’re just going to stay for like an hour, right?” Noah murmured as they entered Metro, senses already on overload from the loud music and large crowd.

Luke squeezed his hand, grinning. “An hour. Tops.” They both knew he was lying. They both knew they’d be here for a few hours, and Noah would eventually loosen up and have fun. Same routine as always. “Come on, we have to at least make an appearance; it’s not every day Metro throws a GLBT-friendly party.”

Noah just grumbled a little under his breath, more for show than anything else. He knew Luke liked winning this argument, liked making sure Noah had a good time. Noah liked letting him, so it was a win-win. He just wished sometimes they didn’t have to win-win in a place filled with so many people. It wasn’t that Noah was agoraphobic or anything, he just got overwhelmed sometimes.

“Dudes!” a (shockingly) familiar voice broke through the music playing. Casey appeared almost magically between them, throwing an arm around each of them. “You made it!”

Luke laughed, while Noah shook his head. “Case, what are you doing here?”

Casey grinned. “Duh, it’s Gay Night. Which means there are lots of single straight girls here, too.” He pushed Luke’s shoulder when he kept laughing. “It’s true. And for the first time ever, I’m encouraging you two to make out in front of me. Let the girls see I’m the gay-friendly straight guy.”

Noah didn’t know whether to roll his eyes or be impressed with his friend’s strategy. So he just followed Luke’s example and laughed, then thought  _oh, what the hell?_ and kissed Luke fiercely right then and there. Luke’s eyes widened for just a second before he grinned into the kiss.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Casey crowed happily. He shoved them lightly towards the far end of the room. “Come on, I got a table saved over in the corner. Let’s party!”

Noah shook his head. “Let’s party? What is this,  _Wayne’s World_?”

“Oh man, I wish,” Casey replied, enthusiastic and completely missing Noah’s sarcasm.

Luke was still laughing, even as he pulled Noah close with an arm around his hips. “Stop being such a Debbie Downer,” he leaned up to whisper into Noah’s ear. “Come on, let me get you all liquored up so I can seduce you and take you home.”

Noah let himself be pulled along. “You don’t need the liquor for that. We could skip on to the seducing part if you want.” He sat down at the booth Casey waved them over to, pulling a chuckling Luke down next to him. Very close.

Casey gave them both a stern look. “Guys. You are my gay wingmen tonight. You are not allowed to leave until I have at least one girl’s phone number. Got it?”

“Got it,” Luke saluted. “You bring the girls over here, we’ll make out in front of them.” He slung one leg over one of Noah’s, almost sitting in his lap. Noah blushed, but made no move to push Luke off.

Casey clapped his hands, rubbing them together excitedly. “Well, then let’s start commencing on that ‘liquored up’ plan of yours.”

Noah couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like shots just magically appeared in Casey’s hands. Like he was the Alcohol Fairy. He was so amused by the image- there were wings and a tutu involved- that he didn’t even think to protest when Casey shoved the shot glass into his hand, motioning for him to drink. Luke’s daring, raised eyebrow had him downing the shot, trying not to grimace at the burn. “Atta boy,” Luke nudged him.

Noah slid the shot glass away. “You sure this is-”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Noah. For the seven hundred billion and fourth time, you are allowed to drink in front of me. I am perfectly content to be the designated driver tonight.”

Casey took away the shot glass and replaced it with a bottle of beer. “Exactly. Stop being Sober McGood-Boy, and drink up.”

Noah smiled, put an arm loose around Luke’s shoulders, and drank up. The three of them hung out in the booth for awhile, passing Noah’s required one hour without realizing it. When it was Noah’s turn to buy the drinks, he reluctantly let go of Luke and moved to the bar, ordering two more beers and a club soda.

“That’s a lot for one guy,” a voice commented next to him. He turned to see a fairly attractive- and fairly inebriated- guy sitting at the bar, studying him.

Out of instinct, Noah took a small step away. “Well, I’m here with a lot of people,” he answered casually enough, wishing the bartender would hurry up.

“Hmmm,” the guy glanced around before zeroing in on Noah again. Looking him up and down. “Here with friends, huh? Why don’t you stay right here for awhile? I’ll get you something better than a beer.”

Thank God the bartender came back with his drinks. He handed over his cash and hugged them almost protectively to his chest. “Sorry, don’t think my boyfriend would like that. Thanks though.” And then without another glance at the guy, he hurried back to the table.

And found Luke and Casey grinning up at him wildly. “What’s up, Stud?” Casey teased.

Noah ducked his head to hide the blush he was sure he had. “Shut up.” He passed out the drinks and reclaimed his seat next to Luke, fighting the urge to burrow his face into Luke’s neck and hide.

Luke wrapped an arm around him consolingly, though still trying not to laugh. “Aww, I hope you let him down easy. It takes a lot of courage to flirt with a guy as hot as you.”

Noah shook his head, taking a long pull from his beer bottle. “It takes a lot of alcohol,” he corrected. Raising an eyebrow, “And who says I let him down?”

“Oooooh,” Casey sounded like the audience in a TGIF sitcom.

Luke mock-glared right back at him. “Nope, sorry. I don’t share.” And then he pulled Noah in for a soda-flavored kiss. And he was obviously marking his territory, and Noah didn’t mind one bit. He liked being Luke’s territory.

Another hour or two of drinking (and definitely not dancing) later, Casey disappeared at some point into a crowd of straight girls that Luke and Noah may or may not have enticed over by making out. Several times.

Noah and Luke lounged back in their booth, content to watch the party going on and enjoy each other, as well as laugh along with friends who randomly stopped by to talk.

The vibration of Noah’s phone interrupted his slight beer-induced and Luke-induced haze. He reached into his pocket with a groan, until he saw the name on screen. “It’s Jeff,” he told Luke, pushing himself up from the table. “Hopefully calling me back about covering the shift tomorrow.” He nodded his head to the door. “Be right back?”

Luke grinned, holding up his half-empty glass. “Sure. But hurry, I’m on my third club soda. You know how crazy I can get.”

Noah just stuck his tongue out at him, then turned and left the crazy din of Metro. By the time he got out to where it was quiet, the call had gone to voicemail. He listened to it quickly-  _“Thank you, Jeff!”_ \- and then turned back to the entrance. Which was currently blocked by someone.

“We meet again,” the guy commented, leaning against the doorway. It was the same guy from earlier, at the bar. And if he had been a little drunk then, well… he was definitely drunk now.

“Um,” Noah shifted backwards a little bit, uncomfortable. “Look, I don’t know what you think-”

“Just want to talk, come on,” he took a few steps closer, but still blocked Noah from getting back into Metro. “I don’t even know your name.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, but no thanks. I have to get back to my boyfriend.” He tried to step around the man, but he counter-stepped right back, keeping himself between Noah and the door.

“That boyfriend keeps you on a short leash, huh?” the words came out pretty slurred, but Noah could hear the intent behind them. And he didn’t like it.

“Really not any of your business,” he snapped, getting tired of being polite. And, he suddenly realized, he wasn’t exactly the most sober person either. “Will you please get out of my way?”

The man somehow smirked and scowled at the same time, and very slowly took a step to the side, out of the doorway. He gestured for Noah to go ahead inside.

Noah eyed him warily for a second before heading back into Metro. At least, he tried to head back in, but just as he reached the door a pair of hands grabbed him by the shoulders, twisted him around, and shoved him back against the wall. “Hey!” Noah shouted.

The guy tightened his grip on Noah’s shirt, grinning sloppily. “I still don’t know your name.” He leaned in close, too close. His breath, heavy and smelling of Vodka, was warm on Noah’s face, aiming for his mouth.

“Get the hell away from me,” Noah growled, managing to push the man away just in time. He was ready to leave it at that and go back inside, but the guy had different ideas. Noah was pulled around again, a hand gripping his arm tightly, not letting go.

“Come on baby, all we need is five minutes,” he slurred again. “Your boyfriend won’t miss you.”

“You’re wrong about that,” another voice spoke up out of nowhere. There was a flash of blond hair, a cracking sound, and then finally the grip on his arm disappeared. Luke stood protectively in front of Noah, glaring downwards. “His name is Noah. And I’m the boyfriend, so back off,” he snapped. The guy stumbled over his own feet and fell to the ground, nose bleeding. Then Luke spun around and smiled. “I have _always_  wanted to do that!” he enthused happily.

Noah shook his head, idly wondering when this had become an old Western and he had become the Miss Kitty. “What- how- I… how did…?”

Luke’s smile softened, and he rubbed a hand over Noah’s arm where the guy had grabbed him. “I saw him follow you out here. Are you okay?”

Noah nodded, eyes still wide. “More grossed out than anything else. I guess…” he smiled shyly at Luke. “I guess I’m lucky you were here, huh?”

Luke grabbed him by his tie, pulling him closer. “Damn right you are!” he kissed him on the nose.

“Wow,” Casey was suddenly there next to them in the doorway to Metro, a giggly blonde girl attached to his arm. He stared back and forth between them and the drunk guy still on the ground. “Luke’s a good designated driver  _and_ a good designated boyfriend.”

************

Remembering how Casey had volunteered to call the cops, run the guy out of town, and take the heat for Luke if the guy tried to press charges (all the while constantly asking for that girl’s phone number), leads Noah to write up another line on his Luke List.

 **  
_5\. Friends_   
**

************

“Hello Lover, I’m home!” Luke’s voice crowed from the front door.

“Living room!” Noah called back, spreading out drinks and silverware on the coffee table. By the time Luke joined him, he was sitting on the floor, long legs stretched out underneath the table.

“I come bearing gifts!” Luke said in a song-song voice. Noah looked up warily, but relaxed when he saw the Star of India takeout cartons in Luke’s hands. Luke shook his head as he settled down on the floor next to Noah. “I can’t believe this is your requested feast.”

Noah shrugged, reaching for the garlic naan, his favorite. “You asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I don’t want any fuss or whatever. Indian food, a movie, and you. That’s what I want.”

Luke stopped doling out the aloo gobi, dimples blowing wide with his smile. “So easy to please,” he joked, aiming a kiss at his cheek. Noah turned his head at the last second, catching it on his mouth instead. Now they were both smiling.

About halfway through  _Young Frankenstein_ , Luke turned to him again. “So why don’t you want to celebrate your birthday?”

Noah tilted his head to the side a little, thrown by the question. “I don’t know. Don’t see the point, I guess. It’s not a big deal, never has been. I wouldn’t know what to do or how to act if there was, like, stuff to do.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “What, have you never had a birthday party before?” he teased.

Noah didn’t answer. He suddenly realized that maybe he shouldn’t. The mattar paneer on his plate was suddenly much more interesting.

Too late. The smile dropped from Luke’s face, his eyes widening. “Nothing?”

Noah swallowed back a sigh. He hated having these ‘when I was young’ talks, because they always ended with Luke getting that sad look on his face. Noah knew enough now to understand it wasn’t pity, that Luke didn’t pity him or look down on him, but still… he preferred Luke never being sad. About anything, especially him.

But he also couldn’t lie. “No, not really. I mean, my dad would give me a check at breakfast every year. Money to go into my savings account. Each time it would be five dollars more than the year before. I got one every year until I left and, um, came to Oakdale.” Another shrug. “So no party.”

Luke looked supremely confused. “But you’ve been here for four years. Have we really never had a party? I can’t believe that.”

Noah offered up a smile. “Luke, my first birthday here you had just gotten home from the hospital. You were in a wheelchair. My dad has just been arrested, your parents were going through a lot, I found out about my mother…”

“Everyone had a lot on their mind,” Luke murmured, unconsciously pulling Noah’s hand into his lap, playing with his fingers.

Noah nodded. “Exactly. And the second one was right at the beginning of the student election campaign, and we were so focused on that. And then last year all I could think about was my senior project, and that stuff going on with Damian and your dad, so I honestly didn’t even remember my birthday.”

Luke’s eyes were downcast now, staring at their hands. “And where was I during all of that?”

Noah squeezed his hand. “Hey, you were-”

“That was a rhetorical question,” Luke cut him off, starting to sound a little angry. Not at Noah, he knew that. But he hated that Luke was getting all self-recriminating now. It wasn’t his fault! Luke looked back up at him sadly. “Noah, I want you to really listen to me when I say this. I-”

The front door burst open before Luke could really start his heartfelt speech. Noah was a little ashamed of the relief he felt at getting interrupted. “Yo, where’s the Birthday Boy?” Casey’s all-too-familiar jovial shout rang through the apartment. Probably through the whole building.

Before either of them could answer, the gang appeared. Noah’s mouth dropped open at the sight. Casey stood there with Ali, Hunter, Gwen, Will, and Maddie. All of them were wearing party hats and holding balloons, party favors, and presents.

Noah turned to Luke, his expression accusing. “What-?”

Luke held up his free hand, the other still holding Noah’s as they both stood up to face their friends. “I swear, I have no idea what they’re doing here.”

Ali took a few steps forward, face a little apologetic even as she tossed a party hat at Luke. “I remembered your birthday from your hospital records, hon. And we all figured that, with everything that’s happened in the past year-”

“Four years,” Will corrected her.

“Life,” Maddie and Gwen corrected him.

“Whatever,” Ali waved a hand. “We could all use a little party. And you deserve one.” She kissed his cheek, while he stood there still frozen. “So happy birthday, Noah.”

“Happy birthday!” the rest of the group chorused cheerfully. They all entered the room fully, setting up their decorations and favors, talking and laughing. Luke grinned and, after giving Noah a kiss of his own, went to help them.

Noah stayed pretty much where he was, only moving long enough to back up to the couch. Then he sat down heavily there, watching everyone. Part of him wanted to bottle up the feeling in his chest right now, the warmth and security. Another part of him desperately wanted to run out the door. Were they going to expect him to do something, say something? He bit his lip nervously, wishing he could just-

“Hey.” Casey plopped down on the couch next to him, eyeing him knowingly. “Happy birthday, man.” He lowered his voice a little. “Ali was right, you know. You deserve a party.”

“I don’t need one,” he protested. “You guys didn’t have to go to all this tr-”

“I swear to God, Noah. Don’t finish that sentence,” Casey glared good-naturedly. “No one  _needs_  a party; that’s the point. They’re for fun! They’re supposed to be fun.” As Hunter sat down on the other side of him, Casey’s voice softened. “This is how birthday parties work. Your friends and the people in your life do nice things for you, just because. They don’t expect anything back.”

“Except for cake,” Hunter chimed in helpfully.

Casey cut him off with a look, which Hunter was now adept at understanding. He nodded apologetically, and they both looked back to Noah. Casey continued, a hand on Noah’s shoulder now. “This is one of those few, rare days where you’re allowed to kick back and do nothing. Nothing is expected of you, except to be happy. Have a good time.”

“And have cake,” Hunter spoke up again.

“Dude!” Casey whirled around. “What is it with you and cake?”

Hunter just smiled and nodded towards the doorway to the kitchen. Casey and Noah both turned, and there was Gwen and Maddie holding a real, honest-to-God birthday cake. Candles lit and everything. “Wow,” Noah couldn’t help but whisper. He couldn’t believe this was real. His name was etched on the cake, next to an Oscar trophy made out of icing. Wow.

Everyone gathered around the coffee table, Luke perching himself on the arm of the couch next to Noah, pulling him close. “See?” he said quietly. “This is why we like to make a fuss.”

Maddie reached over, ruffling his hair. “It’s just a birthday cake, dork. Quick, make your wish and blow the candles out.”

Noah blushed. “I’ve, uh, never blown out candles before,” he admitted, looking down at the cake and no one else. One hand reached out for Luke, seeking the contact and comfort he always provided.

Casey grinned next to him, but Will smacked the back of his head quickly. “If you make any joke about blowing anything, I will punch you in the mouth,” he warned. Casey sat back again, face properly contrite.

Luke rested his hand on Noah’s lower back, as Noah laid one hand on Luke’s knee, playing with the frayed rip in his jeans. “You guys aren’t going to, um, sing or anything, are you?” he asked with dread. “No offense,” he quickly told Gwen. “But I don’t know if I can handle the-”

“ _Happy birthday to you!_ ” Casey and Maddie immediately started singing, Luke and Ali just a second behind them. Gwen, Will, and Hunter jumped in too.

Noah rolled his eyes, but it didn’t stop the big giant goofy grin from appearing on his face. He turned back to the candles, leaning forward and trying to think of a wish. Honestly, what else did he need right now? He had everything he wanted.

So as the group finished up their serenade in four-part harmony, he blew out the candles in one breath, and wished for the only thing that seemed really important right now.  _Please, don’t let any of them have brought a piñata._

************

Noah has been aware for a long time that his dad didn’t always act like a dad (isn’t that what he told Luke the first time he ever went to the farm?) and didn’t give him a lot of the things he needed, but it wasn’t until he met Luke that he realized just what you are supposed to do for the people you love. You’re supposed to not let them give up.

 **  
_6\. Encouragement_   
**

************

He kept staring at his laptop, a rough cut of one of his first scenes playing out in front of him. Tapping idly on the editing keys, he was barely paying attention. Damn it, he had thought that this would make him feel better, but it didn’t. Maybe even worse. This was his first real film project, but he didn’t feel like a director right now. He felt like a fool.

“Looks good,” Luke commented quietly. He was standing just behind him, in the doorway to the kitchen.

Noah jumped, startled. He quickly shut the laptop, turning to look up at Luke. “Where’ve you been?” he tried to sound casual.

Luke dared to take a step closer. “I had some foundation work to do… and I went to talk to one of my old professors in the journalism department. About Mason. And our options.”

He probably expected Noah to jump to his feet, get upset, yell at Luke. But Noah just sat there, sighing very softly. He wished he could go to sleep and wake up after graduation. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Luke shrugged carefully. “I wanted to. I didn’t mention any names, not even yours. I just wanted to know what the options are, in case you want- or need- to do something about it. So he won’t get away with anything.”

Noah scrubbed the side of his face with one hand. “It’s not going to change what happened. And anyway, can we really do anything? He did get away with it, Luke. And he’s still my teacher. He still controls whether or not I graduate.”

Luke stilled behind him, one hand going almost protectively to Noah’s shoulder. He was pretty sure Luke hadn’t even thought of that. Sure enough, “Damn it, I don’t want Mason to have any control over you,” Luke grumbled. “I don’t want him to be able to hold anything over your head. If we have to do something, we will. He’s not going to stop you from graduating.”

Noah just nodded, still quiet. Trying to tell himself this hadn’t been  _that_ big a deal. Mason had said he was attracted to him. So what? He had put his arm around him. It probably meant nothing, wouldn’t go any further than that. He didn’t want Luke to get too worked up, get himself into trouble. “You don’t have to fight my battles for me, Luke.”

“Hey,” Luke took the seat next to him so he could look Noah straight in the eyes. “We’re partners, remember? It’s ‘our’ life? Your battles are my battles. And no one messes with my boyfriend, got it?” Noah offered a little bit of a smile, which he knew Luke had been hoping for. But it was half-hearted, and Luke caught that too. “What’s going on, babe? What are you thinking about right now?”

He shook his head. “It’s stupid.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Luke reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling it closer to him. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“Yeah,” Noah exhaled the word. He was staring hard at his laptop, biting his lower lip.

And then Luke got a clue. “Your movie. You’re still going to work on it, right? You have to, Noah. It’s so good. You can’t give up on it now, even if you can’t work with Mason anymore.”

“Is it? Is it even that good?” Noah dragged his eyes upwards from the computer to Luke’s face. His expression twisted into an uncertain frown. “All those times he said I was talented, that I was the best student he’s ever had, that I had a future in filmmaking… Was he making all that up? Was he just saying whatever he could to, to-” He shook his head again, shuddering. “God, I’m such an idiot. I believed him when he said that stuff. I thought he was trying to help me, you know? I really started to think I was…” he trailed off, head ducking down again.

Luke had been staring at him pretty much open-mouthed since Noah had started speaking. “Oh God, Noah,” he scooted his chair in ever closer, used his free hand to pull Noah’s face up so they were looking at each other once again. “Please. Please, baby, don’t ever think that. No matter why he said those things- and we really don’t know why he said them- he was right. You  _are_ talented. You can’t let what Mason said today stop you from making this movie.”

“What’s the point?” he mumbled harshly. “The first person- besides you- to really take an interest in my future, and he…” He glared irrationally at his laptop. “Turns out he doesn’t want me to succeed. He wants me to- to-” he shuddered. “I don’t know, I don’t even know. This is stupid.”

“No,” Luke shook him lightly. “No. You can’t go down that path, Noah. You can’t let yourself get dragged down by this jackass.” He tightened his grip. “You’re talented, and passionate, and driven, and he obviously saw that in you. Just like I do.” He brushed the hair off of Noah’s forehead. “The worst outcome of all of this would be for you to give up on this film.”

“But how am I supposed to work with him now?” Noah focused on Luke, desperate. “What if the crew or anyone finds out what he said? How are they going to look at me then?”

“Hey,  _you_  have done nothing wrong,” Luke replied firmly. “And anyway, who cares about them? Who cares about Mason? You’re going to finish this project, get the A you deserve, graduate with honors, and leave them all behind. I know it.”

“So you think I should just go back and work with him?” Noah scrunched up the side of his face uncertainly. “How do I trust him now? How do I trust  _me_? My ideas, my direction…”

Luke shook his head, moving from his own chair into Noah’s lap, facing him. He held Noah’s face in both hands. “Do you trust me?”

Noah could only nod. He always got a little more speechless when Luke was this close to him. He mentally rolled his eyes a little at the thought-  _he literally takes my breath away._  God, could he get any cheesier?

Luke regarded him seriously. One of his fingers lightly ran back and forth across his jaw, the touch reminding Noah that he needed to shave soon. “I believe in you. I know you’re good at this, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing with your life. There’s no doubt in my mind. And if you trust me, you have to trust that.”

Noah’s face flushed a little. “You’re biased,” he mumbled. He leaned forward in his chair enough to sit chest-to-chest with Luke, resting his chin on Luke’s shoulder.

“Maybe a little,” Luke admitted. His hands slid down to interlock behind Noah’s back. He turned his head enough to press a kiss to the side of Noah’s face, smiling. “But I also know you better than anyone. I  _know_  you, okay? And I know that you can do this.” He knocked their heads together lightly. “You’ll go back and finish your film, work with Mason, and everything will be okay. And if, for some reason, he pushes his luck and tries anything with you, I’ll beat him down.”

“Luke,” Noah laughed and admonished at the same time. The tense muscles in his neck and shoulders relaxed a little, and Luke took it as a sign to lean back, catch Noah’s gaze.

“If he tries anything,” Luke repeated seriously, “I’ll be right here to back you up. I won’t let you go through this alone. Okay?”

Noah moved in for a kiss, which Luke happily provided. “Okay,” he answered. “Just, um, be careful, please? Don’t go all Luke-Avenger. We’ll deal together.”

Another kiss. “Sounds good.” Luke twisted around in Noah’s lap, facing the table now. He pulled the computer closer to them, flipping it open. “Now. Show me this scene you’re working on. I want to critique the script.”

Noah grinned and reached around either side of Luke to bring up the editing program he’d been working in. With both arms out like that, it was almost like a hug.

************

Yeah, the Colonel would never have let him be a filmmaker. The Colonel wouldn’t have let him do a lot of things. He had never allowed Noah be any of the things that he really was. A filmmaker. A civilian. Gay.

Hell, he hadn’t even been allowed to be a  _kid_ , not since he was seven and the Colonel deemed it time for him to ‘grow up and be a man.’ And it’s since meeting Luke that Noah really realizes what he’s been missing out on.

 **  
_7\. A childhood_   
**

************

“Noooooaaaaahhhh!” a voice screeched out as only a pre-adolescent could. Noah barely had any time to react before a blonde whirlwind launched herself at him. Luckily his hand-eye coordination had gotten a lot better lately, and he was able to catch Natalie, lifting her up as she threw her arms around him. “Hi!” she giggled, holding onto his neck.

“Well hi,” he said back, smiling back at her. “Do I know you?”

She smiled for a second more before turning serious, almost worried. “Did you forget what I looked like?”

It squeezed at his chest more than he thought it would, but he managed to keep the smile on his face. He felt Luke breathe a little shorter behind him, step closer, but he answered before Luke could say anything. “Nope. You just get older every time I see you, it’s hard to keep track of all these beautiful Snyder women running around.”

Natalie grinned, rolling her eyes. “I’m eight, Noah,” she lectured.

He tilted his head quizzically. “Are you sure?”

She giggled again. “Yes!” He set her down and she hugged him around his waist. “I missed you. I’m glad you and Luke love each other again.”

He had to fight a little harder to keep the smile in place now and not let any other emotion overwhelm. Luke reached out and lightly touched his back, but it was tentative. All they’d been was tentative since getting back together. “Me too,” he answered her steadily.

She grabbed his hand, pulling him further into the house, towards the living room. “And I’m glad you can see again.”

“Me too again,” he glanced back at Luke, who smiled softly and waved him along before heading to the kitchen.

Natalie dragged him over to the couch where Ethan was sitting, bouncing up and down on the cushions. “Noah!” he sing-songed out. “Are you our babysitter?”

Noah sat next to him, resting an arm behind Ethan on the top of the couch. “That’s right, buddy. Luke and I are going to hang out with you guys tonight. Is that cool?”

“Cool!” Ethan near-shouted, still bouncing. “You  _and_ Luke?! Yay!”

Noah wondered, not for the first time, if Ethan always talked in exclamation points. It was very possible. “So what are we doing right now?”

Ethan grinned, scooting closer to him. “Natty’s teaching me Mary Mac!”

“Really?” Noah glanced over at Natalie, confused. “What’s Mary Mac?”

Natalie stared at him, shocked. “Noah! You don’t know Miss Mary Mac? It’s like the funnest game ever.”

Loud, sharp voices echoed out from the kitchen. Noah frowned, especially when Natalie and Ethan both rolled their eyes in that typical Snyder fashion. “Faith is being _difficult,_ ” Natalie whispered to him, obviously parroting a phrase she’d heard a lot recently. Ethan nodded helpfully.

Noah fought back a smile, pulling Ethan into his lap. “Well okay then. I’ve never played Miss Mary Mac. Will you teach me too, NatBug?”

Both kids giggled at Noah’s overly earnest-pleading expression. “Okay.”

But before she could do anything- “God, Luke!” Faith snapped on her way out of the kitchen, heading for the desk next to the patio door. “I don’t need a friggin’ babysitter! Just leave me alone!”

“Faith, you don’t get to make the rules!” Luke was a few steps behind her, frustration coloring his face. “If you don’t want to be a kid anymore then act like it!”

Faith glared at him, picking up her purse from the desk. “Oh, whatever. I’m so done with this.” Without a glance at all towards Noah and her other siblings, she stormed out, slamming the patio door shut behind her.

“Faith!” Luke called after her ineffectually. He looked over at Noah with a shrug, smiling despite himself at the sight of Ethan sitting in Noah’s lap. “Are you okay for a bit? I should probably…”

Noah nodded, smiling too. “Go ahead. These two will keep an eye on me.”

Luke’s expression softened even more, even as he readied himself for going after Faith. He looked at his little brother and sister mock-sternly. “Is that right? Will you guys make sure Noah stays out of trouble till I get back?”

They both nodded and giggled, even more when Ethan picked up Noah’s hand and made him wave goodbye to Luke. Luke gave an exaggerated wave back, then turned and headed out in search of his wayward-and-now-unfortunately-a-real-teenager sister.

Noah turned back to Natalie and Ethan. “Well? Let’s see what’s so ‘funnest’ about this Mary Mac.”

Sixteen rounds of it later, Noah wasn’t so sure it was in fact the ‘funnest game ever.’ He also couldn’t figure out why seeing elephants jump over a fence was so great, or how it could only cost fifteen cents. But Natalie was having fun, and Ethan really just loved slapping his tiny hands against Noah’s and making a loud  _smack!_  sound.

Luke and Faith weren’t back yet, so Noah went into phase two with his charges- Story Time. He picked a book at random, Rapunzel, and settled down on the couch with the kids gathering around close to him, Ethan in his lap and Natalie on his left, leaning in to look at the pictures as he read.

Even though he always felt ridiculously silly reading stories to the kids, he kinda loved doing it. Fairytales were something he’d only gotten to see in movies and old episodes of  _Wishbone_  and any other PBS show he could sneak on when his dad wasn’t home. Actually reading them was a new experience for him.

Natalie seemed to enjoy the story, especially the part at the end where the princess was the one who really saved the day, but she was strangely quiet by the time he finished. Even weirder, she was regarding him very intensely. “What’s up, Nat?” he asked, sensing that something important was going on in her head.

Before she could answer, Ethan jumped in. “Noah, are you a prince?”

Noah’s head swiveled sharply to look down at Ethan. “Am I a what-now?”

Ethan pointed at one of the pages in the storybook. “The prince was hurt, and couldn’t see, and then he could again. Like you!”

For a split second the world went dark and cold around him. As it always did when he had to think about those six months of hell. As always, just for a second, he was back there. Drowning. Sinking. Slowly, slowly dying. Sometimes, when Noah could kid himself into thinking it all been a big joke, he referred to it all as his ‘Pit of Despair.’

“Noah?” Natalie’s voice drew him out of the Pit.

He shook his head very quickly, then threw a smile back on his face. “Me? A prince?” he tickled Ethan’s side. “That wouldn’t make Luke a princess, would it?”

Ethan laughed some more, squirming around to avoid the tickling. “No!”

He thought that would be the end of it, but Natalie had been a Snyder for over eight years. She was well-versed in being stubborn. “Was it a miracle?”

He looked at her carefully, noting how serious she was taking this. “Was it a…?”

Natalie reached up slowly, her small fingers brushing against the slight burn scars that were still around his eyes. Most of the time he forgot they were there; they were faded and almost-healed. Maybe when he became a famous director, he’d become vain enough to have cosmetic surgery and get them fully removed.

Natalie was close enough to see them now. “Rapunzel cried on the prince’s eyes, and he wasn’t blind anymore. That’s what happens in these stories, ’cause it’s about true love and stuff. And true love can make miracles come true. Right?”

He stared at her in shock. Wow. Luke was  _so_ not the literary expert in the family anymore. He tried to bring himself back to her question. “Right, yeah. Um, I guess in a way it was a miracle, Nat. Luke saved me like Rapunzel did.” If anything else, he had definitely caused Luke to cry like Rapunzel did. “He saved me because he loves me.” Noah felt that little rattle in his chest that he always did now- the relief of getting to use ‘love’ in the present tense again.

“Hey!” Ethan looked up at him, made up of innocently wide eyes and wide smile, snuggling a little more against his chest. “That means you  _are_  a prince, Noah!”

Noah shook his head, smiling. “Nope. It means Luke is a hero.” He directed his smile over to Natalie, needing to make sure she was okay now. “Right?”

She was still regarding him intently, but at least now she was smiling, untroubled. “If you say so.  _I_  still think he’s too bossy.”

Noah laughed, the tension in his shoulders easing away just a little bit. He leaned down a little so he could whisper, “Me too sometimes.” When he sat back again, Natalie was looking at something over his shoulder, and before he even turned, Noah was pretty sure what it was. Or, more accurately,  _who_ it was.

Sure enough, there was Luke leaning against the doorway to the rest of the house, arms crossed. His eyes were bright, his smile somewhere between loving and pained. “Dinner time, kiddos. Go wash your hands while we get the table set up.”

“Spaghetti time!” Ethan’s voice rose a few dozen decibels as he vaulted off of Noah’s lap and past Luke, heading for the bathroom.

Natalie rolled her eyes. “See?” she whispered to Noah. “Bossy.” Then she ran off as well, narrowly avoiding Luke’s teasing poke at her ribs.

And now they were left alone, staring at each other. “F-faith?” Noah finally asked, stumbling onto a topic.

Luke sighed, coming forward and dropping onto the couch next to him. “She’s going to spend the night at the farm. Apparently she’s too old to need babysitters, especially the ones watching her baby sister and brother.”

Noah frowned a little. “I guess I can understand that. It’s too bad, though; I haven’t hung out with her in awhile.”

Luke reached out, his hand grazing Noah’s hair before landing on his shoulder. “You haven’t gotten to hang out with any of them in awhile, huh?” He knew how much Noah liked being around the kids, playing their games, laughing at their knock-knock jokes, watching  _Sesame Street_  with them.

Noah didn’t answer, knowing it was obvious. “So for how long were you shamelessly eavesdropping?”

Luke smiled, unabashed. “Long enough to decide your new nickname is Prince Charming.”

He blushed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, well, you change your hairstyle one more time and I’m going to start calling you Rapunzel.”

Luke’s smile softened as he laughed, sliding in even closer. In that time, it was like all the hesitancy, all the awkwardness that was still between them since getting back together… it melted away. Noah felt like he was melting.

Luke leaned in and kissed him once, twice. Sweet, gentle kisses. A third one. Like they used to share when they were just lovestruck boys, when all they had between them were psycho family members and paralysis. Gunshot wounds and Emma’s Rules. You know, simpler times.

None of that was between them anymore. Noah couldn’t help but pull him in, so that the only separation now was from cotton and flannel. Luke kissed him again, then wrapped both arms around him, resting his chin onto Noah’s shoulder.

“You’ve saved me too,” Luke whispered. Noah buried his face in Luke’s neck, breathing deep. In and out, heavy, controlled. Luke held on tighter. “You know that, right?”

Noah sat back a little, reaching out to run a hand through Luke’s spiky-blond hair, smiling a little at the product he could feel in it. He’d never admit it, but he loved how much Luke cared about his own hair, how he could primp and fuss for an hour in front of the mirror.

Luke caught the smile and rolled his eyes, probably knowing what it was for. Noah kept his hand there anyway, still combing through the strands, still smiling. After everything, he didn’t care if Luke used a gallon of product and dyed it all pink. No matter what, at least it was Noah’s to touch again. He was about to say as much, or something a little less embarrassing, when the thunder of little-kid feet interrupted them.

“Dinner time!” Ethan and his exclamation points were back. “Can I have meatballs? And no tomato sauce? And chocolate milk?”

Noah and Luke stared at each other, smiling ruefully. Then Luke sighed, pressed another quick kiss to Noah’s forehead, and stood up. “I’ll see what I can do, Monkey.”

Noah followed Luke around the couch to the kitchen, picking up Ethan along the way when the boy held out his arms for him. “Really, buddy? You want chocolate milk on your spaghetti?” He made a big grossed-out face.

“Ewww, Noah!” Ethan laughed. “Chocolate milk in a cup, meatballs on the spaghetti!”

“Ohhh, okay. That makes more sense.” Noah swung him around so he was riding piggyback. “Can I have chocolate milk too?”

Luke turned from the stove, pretending to think it over. “I don’t know, did you behave yourself while I was gone?” he asked. Natalie giggled (did she know how to laugh any other way?) as she started setting the table.

Noah settled Ethan down in his booster seat and then went to the fridge for everyone’s drinks. “Of course I did. I learned how to play Miss Mary Mac. And I read a story. And apparently I’m a prince, so I think I get chocolate milk.”

“Luke does too!” Natalie piped up, sitting down next to Ethan. “Because he’s a hero and he healed you. So he gets some too, because he loves you, right?”

Noah closed the fridge, leaning over Luke who was stirring the spaghetti sauce. He rested his forehead in Luke’s product-filled hair, reveling in the warmth. In the complete lack of tension and discomfiture that had been there even hours ago. “Yeah,” he murmured quietly, for only Luke to hear. “He deserves some too.”

************

Luke has healed him in a way, hasn’t he? He’s always so good at that, knowing how to make Noah feel better. Whether it’s physical or mental (and with Noah, there’s always plenty of ‘mental’ to get through), Luke has a way of getting Noah to a better place than he thinks he should be.

His thoughts travel back to just after Ameera had arrived in Oakdale, the day they had attempted to go to Statesville but ended up in the hospital instead, the day those two drunken idiots attacked them on the road.

Noah can’t remember much from that first night back at the farm, but Luke has told him this story so many times that it almost doesn’t matter anymore.

 **  
_8\. Comfort_   
**

************

Luke eased the bedroom door open, ducking just his head inside. He had no reason to feel guilty, did he? He wasn’t exactly breaking Emma’s Rules. And anyway, Noah had a concussion. He needed to be checked on every couple of hours. Or, at least, that would be his excuse.

Noah was there in bed, curled on his side facing the doorway. He was asleep, but in no way resting. Grimacing, hands twisted into fists, shaking slightly- Noah was in the middle of a nightmare.

Well, that sealed things for Luke. He entered the room fully, shutting the door behind him with a firm click and making his way to Noah’s bed. “Noah? Noah, hey…” he leaned in close and gently rubbed his shoulder, trying to wake him up.

He came out of the nightmare with a snap, hand coming up defensively as if to ward off a hit. It made Luke flinch, and he just as quickly pulled back his own hands. Noah shook his head once, wincing at the motion, before focusing on him. “Luke?”

Luke managed a smile, slowly reaching again to rest a hand on Noah’s wrist. “Hey. You okay?”

It must have been bad, because Noah put his hand on top of Luke’s, squeezing lightly. Wanting the comfort. Then he nodded. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Just give me a minute.”

Luke frowned. “I don’t really know what you’re apologizing for, but okay.” He moved closer, settling down on the bed next to him. He made sure to stay sitting though, leaning back against the wooden headboard, on top of all the covers that were tucked around Noah. Just in case someone walked in and got the wrong idea.

“You’re in my room,” Noah pointed out, confused.

“I am?” Luke looked shocked. “No way.” He grinned when Noah rolled his eyes. “You have a concussion,” he reminded. “Aren’t we supposed to check on you every four hours or something?”

Noah shrugged one shoulder carefully. He hadn’t moved from his position. “You’re not holding up any fingers.”

He grinned. “Well, if you can tell that then you must be okay.” He used his free hand to smooth out the comforter covering Noah, taking just a second to run though Noah’s sleep-messy hair before sitting back again. “What were you dreaming about?” he asked softly, his thumb rubbing against Noah’s long fingers.

Noah was quiet for a long time, but Luke expected that. He waited, letting his clasped hand do the reassuring for him. Finally, Noah looked up at him. “We were on the side of the road. Those two guys were… They had rifles.”

Luke’s blood ran cold, and he fought back a shudder, not wanting to scare Noah away. “Rifles?”

Noah nodded, looking at something that wasn’t there in the room with them. “They were going to shoot us. And I didn’t-” his breath hitched but he kept going. “I didn’t do anything to stop them. I just stood there. I let it happen. I let you get shot.”

“Noah…” Luke squeezed his hand tight now.

“I stood there, and I didn’t try to fight him or anything. I watched him shoot you. I didn’t…” he stopped, bit his lip.

His blood was below freezing now.  _‘Him.’_  Oh God, Noah’s dream must have morphed from those drunk jackasses into the Colonel. “Hey,” he soothed, brushing at his hair again. “Noah, there was nothing you could’ve done. Not today, not…” he paused, unsure if he should even broach the subject with him. “You weren’t responsible for what happened.”  _Not today, not then either._

Noah just shifted his line of sight from whatever was in his head to what was in front of him now. “I’m really sorry.” He hooked his thumb around Luke’s.

Luke shook his head. “Nothing to be sorry for. You’re the one who got hurt, not me.”

“Luckily,” Noah insisted. “If your parents hadn’t shown up, then who knows what-”

“Hey,” he said again. “You can’t think about that, okay? What did happen was bad enough, don’t worry about the what-ifs of everything.”

Noah wasn’t really listening. “They might’ve killed you. Just because… because, what? They were drunk? You’re gay?” He buried his face a little more into his pillow. “I don’t understand.”

Luke’s heart broke at the utterly confused tone. After everything, Noah still didn’t want to accept that there were bad people in the world. He honestly thought that everyone followed the same code of right and wrong that he did. That all people were genuinely good. It was one of the things Luke loved about him, and one of the things that left Noah so much more vulnerable than he thought himself to be.

“I don’t understand either,” he finally answered. “Some people just do bad things.” He shrugged, wishing there was something more ‘right’ for him to say. Noah turned his head again so he was facing Luke, and they stayed quiet for awhile.

It was awhile before Noah spoke again. “We’re not bad people,” he said. It almost sounded like he was responding to a whole other conversation that had been going on in his head. Luke frowned again, but let him keep talking. “We don’t do anything that’s wrong.”

He smiled now, realizing what Noah was trying to tell him. And he couldn’t help but be inordinately proud to hear Noah say something he never would’ve said even a year ago. “That’s true.”

Noah was still speaking, adamant. “They had no right to try to hurt you, just because you care about me.”

“I more than care about you, Noah,” Luke tapped him on the nose.

It broke Noah’s mental rant, and he blinked up at Luke, smiling a little. “I more than care about you, too.”

Now that he was a little more relaxed, Luke felt he could ask. “There’s something else bothering you.” He could tell. There was that familiar shadow in Noah’s eyes that he saw every so often, when Noah got lost in his thoughts. “Can you talk to me about it?”

Another one-armed shrug. “I hate… I hate that whenever something happens in my life- good or bad- I think of him.”

His father. Luke didn’t have to ask who. “It’s okay, Noah. It’s understandable.”

Noah closed his eyes. “With what happened today? I can’t help it. I can’t help but think that he’d be prouder if I’d been one of  _those_  guys, hurting people, and not one of… us. He’d like me better if I was.”

Luke swallowed hard when his throat tightened. “Then it’s a good thing he’s gone, right? That he’s not in your life anymore.”

Noah nodded, bringing Luke’s hand closer, kissing it lightly. “I just wish things were different. That he was different,” he replied simply.

“I know you do,” Luke said softly, scooting a little closer though still sitting upright. You never knew when a curious sibling or meddling Grandma might walk in. “Sometimes I wish that too. But you know what? There are like ten people in this house right now, and all of them love you so much. And most of them are going to be spoiling you so annoyingly in the next few days you’re going to want to scream.”

Noah smiled at him, hopeful and sweet and little-kid. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he answered, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to the side of his face.

Noah had that sincere, longing look on his face when Luke sat up again. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if it had been you-”

“Hey,” Luke shushed him. “Don’t think about the what-ifs of everything,” he repeated his earlier words. “We’re both okay, and we’re together. Anybody who doesn’t like that is just going to have to deal.”

Noah snorted out a laugh before he could stop himself. When Luke looked at him quizzically, he blushed a little. “Sorry, it’s just… was that your version of the ‘We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it’ chant?”

Luke groaned, just barely refraining from smacking his boyfriend with a pillow. “Funny, babe. Real funny.”

Noah smiled a little triumphantly. He went to move in closer to Luke, but had barely gotten a centimeter when a look of pain crossed his face and he bit back a gasp. “Damn it.”

“What’s wrong? What is it?” Luke reached forward, both hands hovering an inch over Noah’s body, afraid of hurting him.

Noah shook his head, eyes closed. “Nothing. My back hurts a little bit. It’s okay.”

Luke studied him seriously, knowing it probably wasn’t nothing, probably wasn’t a little bit, probably wasn’t okay. “Wait right there for just a sec, okay? I have an idea.”

Noah managed to roll his eyes without even opening them. “Not going anywhere.”

Luke smiled, because that was true in more ways than one. “Hang on.” He let go of Noah’s hand and smoothly climbed off the bed. “Be right back.” He eased out of the room quietly, shutting the door behind him… and turned to find his grandmother waiting in the hall. “Oh. Um, hi.”

But there was no scolding, no disapproving shake of the head. Emma looked back and forth between him and the door to Noah’s room, tears in her eyes, and Luke suddenly wondered how much of that she had overheard. He got his answer when she smiled and went over to the linen closet nearby. “Here.”

He followed her over, relaxing when she handed him a plug-in heating pad and a jar of her homemade bruise balm. “So, um, it’s okay that I’m…?”

Emma sighed as only Emma could, filling it with equal parts love and exasperation and ‘kids-they-grow-up-so-fast.’ “You go ahead and take care of him tonight. Just don’t do anything you’d be embarrassed for me or your sisters to see.”

Luke was pretty sure he was blushing a little at that, but he nodded gratefully. “Thanks Grandma,” he kissed her cheek and hurried back into Noah’s room, closing and locking the door for the night.

Noah was looking better, but still hasn’t moved. He narrowed his eyes at the bundle Luke was carrying. “What’s that?”

Luke grinned victoriously. “Take off your shirt and lay on your stomach.”

Noah stared at him. “Um, that’s not really the answer I was expecting.”

He laughed. “Completely innocent, I promise. I have a famous tried-and-true Emma Snyder remedy here. It’ll help your back.”

Noah regarded him a little warily, but then sighed and started to slowly turn onto his stomach. “Okay.” He struggled a little with pulling his t-shirt off, finally managing to get it over his head with another wince.

And while normally Luke would love the opportunity to ogle the body laid out in front of him, now he could only stare in horror. “Oh my God, Noah…” He hadn’t seen Noah’s back after everything, this was the first time he was seeing the extent of what that tire iron did to him. “God, no wonder you’re in pain.”

Noah had his eyes closed, fingers twisting self-consciously in the pillowcase he was resting his head on. “I’m okay.”

“Uh-huh,” Luke snorted, daring to come closer. He couldn’t take his eyes off Noah’s skin, the way black and midnight-purple bruises stretched from his right shoulder down to his left hip. They splashed outward with bruises of blue and green and red, small cuts and welts marking where the hit had been the worst. “Yeah. This  _so_  looks okay.”

He ignored whatever protest Noah used next, instead plugging in the small heating pad and climbing back into the bed next to Noah. While he waited for the cloth to warm up, he dipped his fingers into the bruise balm and started rubbing the gel gently into Noah’s back, starting at the top and working his way down.

Noah flinched for a second, but then gradually relaxed into it, sighing softly. And once Luke laid the heating pad flat across the center of his back, over the worst of the bruising, he sank fully into the bed, pain melting away from his face.

Luke was done with the balm after a little while, but it didn’t stop him from giving in to his own desire to touch. Who could blame him, with Noah laid out like that in front of him? Even with marred and broken skin, Noah’s bare back was like a work of art. Begging to be studied and taken care of.

His hands went a little lower, rubbing slow and soothing circles into Noah’s lower back, just above the elastic band of his sweatpants. Luke couldn’t help but smile in satisfaction; Noah was practically purring at the contact, and he liked being the one who could do this for him.

Time became a rather relative thing, but at some point Luke realized they were both pretty close to falling asleep. He pulled his hands away reluctantly, smiling at Noah’s small noise of protest, and busied himself for a minute unplugging the heating pad and setting the jar of bruise balm on the table. He then settled down again next to Noah, flat on his back this time, pulling the comforter up over both of them.

Noah cracked an eye open. “If I promise to wake you if I need anything, will you promise the same?” he mumbled.

Luke grinned. “Cross my heart.” He didn’t expect to have any nightmares tonight, especially not now. He inched his way closer, dropping a kiss onto Noah’s shoulder, and his grin widened when one of Noah’s arms managed to find its way around Luke’s waist. They lay there, Luke on his back, Noah on his stomach. Perfect.

He waited until he was sure Noah was asleep, then hooked his own arm around so his hand rested in Noah’s hair. He cupped the back of Noah’s head, holding him close, holding him safe. Noah mumbled a little in his sleep, winced when he pulled at sore back muscles, then settled again with his head on Luke’s shoulder. His face turned towards Luke, breathing puffs of warm air across his t-shirt-clad chest.

The slight frown on his face caused Luke to draw him just a little closer. “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s over. We’re here. We’ll take care of you.” He had no idea if Noah heard him or not, but the way his frown melted away and his hand tightened over Luke’s shirt made him smile anyway. He followed Noah into sleep, holding them together. Perfect.

************

Sometimes Noah hates his own body, because even now he can feel himself blush. He hates that he blushes so easily, even though Luke seems to love it.

He looks back over the list, especially the last one. Comfort. Every time Noah has been hurt- that concussion, getting shot, going blind, a few other times- Luke has always been right there to take care of him.

Well, except for one time. Noah can remember another instance when Luke wasn’t so nice to him after getting into trouble…

************

“Come on dude, I promise they’ll hold up!” Parker rolled his eyes with a smile.

Noah couldn’t help the skeptical look on his face. “Parker, these things should be burned and their ashes scattered to the winds.” He held up the pair of poor, dilapidated ice skates.

That earned him another epic teenage eye roll. “They’re fine, I swear! Besides, I’m the only person who owns shoes that’ll fit your ginormous feet. So if you want to skate, you’ll just have to suck it up, man.” He grinned at Noah’s bemused expression as they finally made it to the pond.

They were the last two to arrive, the other kids already laughing and yelling. Luke was leading Sage and Natalie in races and patterns across the ice, while Faith kept Ethan busy playing in the dirt and snow on the banks.

Parker sat down next to them, taking off his shoes and lacing up his skates, bickering with Faith at the same time. Noah dropped his loaner pair on the ground with some trepidation, half expecting them to fall apart and disintegrate on impact. He took a moment to watch Luke instead, involuntarily smiling when he smiled, skating around with the girls. And yeah, maybe Noah was ogling a little bit. Who could blame him? His boyfriend was-

A flash of movement had him turning his head. And his stomach dropped to somewhere below his kneecaps. Ethan had gotten away from Faith and was running onto the pond- right through a patchy, brittle section of ice. “Ethan!” he yelled, skates forgotten, taking off in a dead sprint after the little boy.

But even as Noah reached for him, his sneakers sliding on the ice, a sharp gunshot-like  _crack!_ echoed across the pond. One second Ethan was there, the next there was nothing but a hole in the ice. Somewhere behind him he heard Faith scream and Luke send someone- Sage?- back to the house for help, but Noah was focused on what was in front of him. Automatically he shrugged off his heavy winter coat and, just as Luke yelled out his name, Noah jumped into the water.

‘Ice cold’ didn’t even begin to describe it. It felt like the water was trying to pull a Bruce Lee and yank his heart right out of his chest. The shock of it almost had him gasping, but luckily at the last moment he remembered to keep his mouth shut and that much-needed air in.

He forced himself to keep moving, keep his blood pumping, as he searched for Ethan. It was hard. Already he could feel the freezing water, like hands and shackles, trying to capture his legs and drag him down deeper.  _No way_. He had to find Ethan, he had to.

There! A tiny little body, moving heartbreakingly slow, was trapped against the ice. Noah propelled himself forward, pushing against the numbness that was starting to set in.  _No way_ , he thought again. Ethan needed him. Finally he got there, grabbing the boy and wrapping him tightly in one arm. Ethan wasn’t moving now.  _No…_

Noah was losing strength fast. He kicked back towards the break in the ice, even though he couldn’t really feel his hands or feet anymore. Probably not a good thing. Also not good- he was out of air and still a few endless feet away from escape. His chest was burning- well, not really burning, because he’d never been this cold before- and his eyelids felt heavy.

And just as the spots dancing in front of him started to overwhelm, he burst through the patch of ice, gasping for as much air as his compressed lungs would allow. Some last reserve of common sense had him making sure to lift Ethan well above the surface, out of the water.

A pair of hands pulled Ethan from him. Luke’s hands, he’d recognize them anywhere. Luke passed his brother over to Parker, who wrapped him up in Noah’s discarded coat and ran for the banks. There were other people approaching the pond now, people who looked a lot like Aaron and Holden.

Identifying people took a lot out of him, apparently. He felt himself start to slide back under the water when those hands came into view again and grabbed one of his arms. “No!” Luke was laying on his stomach on the ice, as close as he could get, pulling at him with all he had. “Come on, Noah, come on.”

“Luke…” Noah choked out, swallowing some water. Bad idea. Now he was cold inside and out. He tried to kick up, climb out of the water, but it wasn’t happening.

“Noah!” another voice yelled, and then Aaron was there, right next to Luke, pulling Noah’s other arm. Between the two, they managed to get Noah up out of the water and onto a thicker, stable part of the ice.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re okay, right?” Luke had Noah half-sprawled across his lap, gloved hands framing his face. “Jesus, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I’m fine,” he coughed, making sure he kept his eyes open. “How’s-”

“Luke, get his shirt off!” Aaron ordered sharply, taking off his own shoes and socks right there on the ice.

“What?” Luke stared at his brother, beyond confused. Noah was just as lost. He kinda wanted to  _add_  layers right now, not lose them.

“The wet clothes!” Aaron snapped, reaching for Noah’s soaked and ruined sneakers. “Do you want him to catch hypothermia?”

Oh, that. “No thanks,” Noah sighed, leaning more against Luke.

Aaron was finished removing Noah’s shoes and socks, and now his own dry socks were on Noah’s feet, shoes haphazardly back where they should be. “Luke, come on! Get his shirt off!”

Luke snapped to it, yanking at the flannel, forgoing the buttons all together. Noah smirked up at him, even as the punch of cold air on bare skin caused him to shake even more. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined you stripping me,” he mumbled.

“Noah, shut up,” Luke ordered, voice stern and shaking. He shed his coat, wrapping it tight around Noah’s upper body. Noah would have been fine right there like that, Luke’s arms around him, but unfortunately the Snyder brothers had to go and ruin a perfectly good moment. They pulled him to his feet, stood on either side of him, and forced him to walk towards the shore of the pond.

“Hey, is he alright?” When did Jack get there? And with a car? Noah didn’t think to ask out loud, just nodded and let Aaron and Luke push him into the backseat of the Ford Explorer.

“Where’s Ethan?” he heard someone ask, as Luke sat against the far door and dragged Noah back against his chest. Whatever Jack’s answer was, Noah didn’t hear. He was too busy trying to make sure he still had all his fingers and toes. Luke wrapped himself around Noah from behind, trapping Noah’s hands in his and rubbing them gently.

Noah was vaguely aware of Jack starting up the car and heading out for the main road, but he got distracted by Aaron throwing a blanket over him, looking him over. “You have to stay awake, buddy. Just for a little while longer, okay?”

Noah nodded, teeth chattering. He leaned back a little more into Luke’s warmth, feeling somewhat bad that he was probably getting Luke wet. And cold. And Noah was very sure that being cold sucked. Being tired too…

“Aren’t there any more blankets in here?” Luke’s voice was tight, like he was trying not to explode. “Anything? He’s freezing.”

Noah would have apologized for that, but Aaron was already talking, shaking his head. “We can’t put too much heat on him too quickly, Luke. Give his blood a chance to start pumping everywhere again.”

“But-” Luke apparently really wanted him to have another blanket.

Aaron cut him off with a look, somehow still managing to look reassuring. “We don’t want him going into shock. Just, um, hold him close to you. Body heat,” he advised, half sincere and half smirking.

Noah smiled then. “Like the sound of that.”

“I told you to shut up,” Luke still didn’t sound happy, though he did follow Aaron’s suggestion and pull Noah in even closer, his back firmly against Luke’s chest. Noah was wrapped up in arms and coats and blankets. It made his skin prickle all over, like sensation was trying to come back, which was beyond irritating and a little painful. Part of him didn’t care, he was so unbelievably tired…

“Hey, ease up a little. It’s not his fault he thought he was a super hero,” Aaron must have noticed Noah’s eyes sliding shut. He nudged Noah’s leg, keeping him awake.

“Did it look cool?” Noah managed to get out. “Like in the movies?”

Aaron grinned, but Noah felt Luke tense up and grip his hands tighter. “What the hell is wrong with you two?”

Noah struggled to turn his head to see Luke, therefore missing Aaron rolling his eyes. “Luke? You okay?”

Luke’s glare was so intense, Noah was surprised it didn’t light him on fire (which, admittedly, would’ve felt good right about now). “Am  _I_ okay? I wasn’t the one who went and dove into freezing water! On purpose! What were you thinking?”

“Wasn’t?” Noah guessed, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Damn right you weren’t thinking!” Uh-oh. Luke had started using the Lucinda Walsh Lecture Tone. If only Noah knew what he’d done wrong, he’d totally apologize. “You could have killed yourself, Noah!”

“Not on purpose,” Noah pointed out. He thought it was a valid argument.

Luke didn’t. “Damn it, Noah. You just… just  _jumped in_. Without thinking! Aaron’s right- you’re not a super hero. You’re not even a lifeguard, Noah. You can’t just-”

“Yes I am,” Noah murmured from somewhere deep in his throat. It was starting to ache. He coughed a little, then regretted it when Luke’s face darkened even more.

“Yes you are what? A super hero?” Luke’s reply was sharp, almost biting. It felt just like all the pins and needles that were currently stabbing at his skin.

Noah shook his head. “A lifeguard. Certified when I was sixteen.” Luke’s glare only got worse. “’S true, Luke. I have a card-” he started coughing again.

Luke frowned at Aaron, who was trying not to laugh, and then frowned back down at Noah. “You’re making jokes? How is this funny to you?”

That wasn’t meant to be a joke, but Noah was starting to realize that maybe Luke wasn’t in a good mood. “But-”

“Do I look like I’m laughing, Noah?” Luke snapped, voice getting louder. Which was weird, because his arms were still gentle and warm around Noah, one hand rubbing into his chest tenderly.

It was that touch that made Noah want to nestle in even more, close his eyes, and maybe-

“Hey.” Aaron smacked his leg again. “Stay awake, Noah. We’re almost there.”

“M’kay,” he answered. Talking was getting a little bit more difficult. He turned his head up to Luke again, seeing that the glare was still there. “Luke? Are you-”

“Don’t talk to me right now,” he interrupted, short. “You should conserve your strength.”

“Luke,” Aaron sounded exasperated. “Chill out, he’s just-”

“We’re here,” Jack called out. Noah focused on the window long enough to see the hospital through the glass. “How’re you doing, Noah?”

“Fine,” he said automatically. He wasn’t so out of it that he didn’t hear Luke scoff at his answer.

Aaron helped pull him out of the car, keeping a hand on his arm until Noah got himself steadily on his feet. A second later Luke was next to him, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and an arm around his waist. The three of them walked as one unit into the Emergency Room. Noah thought it would’ve looked like soldiers walking in formation, if it wasn’t for the fact that his feet couldn’t really keep up, shuffling between Luke’s and Aaron’s.

“Hey!” a voice called from the next to the check-in desk. Meg was there, handing some forms over to an on-duty nurse. She waved them over.

“How’s Ethan?” Luke asked her the moment they got close enough. They came to a stop next to the desk, and Noah was grateful for it. Walking? Not as much fun as it used to be. Or as easy. He found himself leaning a little more into Luke, and without even thinking Luke adjusted his grip to accommodate it.

Meg smiled at them. “He’s going to be fine. Your mom and dad are with him now, they’re going to keep him overnight just to be safe. He may come out of this with only a bad cold, possibly slight pneumonia. Very treatable. He’s really lucky,” she turned to smile at Noah. “Speaking of which, how’s the big hero doing?”

“’M fine,” he said again. Only he probably wasn’t. Because just as he said it, the tenuous hold he’d had on his strength disappeared completely. His knees buckled under him, and he just barely heard someone (someones? Was there an echo or more than one person?) call out his name before the fog in his brain took over.

It took him a lot longer to open his eyes than he thought it would. Because when he finally dragged those eyelids open, he was no longer in the Emergency Room. Instead, he was lying in a bed in another part of the hospital, buried deep under several heavy blankets. They were warm and soft and felt like a full-body hug.

Speaking of which… Someone was gripping his hand tightly, almost possessively. There was really only one person in the world who would do that. Noah turned his head with an expectant, and somewhat sheepish, smile. Which turned into a puzzled grin when he realized Luke was sitting next to him, holding his hand, leaning his head down onto his crossed arms on the bed. Fast asleep.

“Hey, Noah.” Noah turned back to face the foot of his bed, and there was Holden smiling down at him. Aaron was standing just behind him, leaning back against the door.

“Hi,” Noah answered, because it was the polite thing to do. But really, the one word scratched at the inside of his throat, reverberating through his head. He tried to hide the wince, tried to stop himself from coughing the word back out again.

Holden kept smiling, moving to take the seat on the other side of Noah, across from Luke. Aaron grinned as he opened the door. “I’ll let everyone know he’s awake.” He waved just before slipping out. “Glad you’re okay, man!”

Noah attempted to wave back, but with one hand stuck under blankets and the other stuck with Luke, it wasn’t possible. He turned back to Holden. “What time is it?”

“A little after eight,” the man answered, getting comfortable in the chair. “You’ve been out for a few hours.”

Noah felt himself blush, idly reveling in the heat it brought to his face. “I fainted in the ER, didn’t I?”

Holden laughed softly. “Just a little bit. Luckily Aaron and your other half over there were able to keep you from knocking that hard head of yours on the floor.”

Noah looked back over at his ‘other half,’ watching him sleep for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty lucky.”

“Noah,” Holden called his attention back over to him. “We’re all pretty lucky that you were there and did what you did.” He regarded him seriously, making sure Noah was listening. “Thank you.”

Oh, he was definitely still red-faced. “Ethan’s okay?”

Holden nodded, smiling again. “He’s just fine. Already charming the socks off his nurses, and somehow managing to get candy from his grandmothers.” He chuckled quietly. “And he’s been asking for you and Luke, wants to know where you are.”

Noah couldn’t help but smile- Ethan asked about  _him_ \- even as he once again looked over at Luke. “Luke was really mad at me,” he found himself saying.

“I’m not surprised about that,” Holden responded, laughing again.

Noah couldn’t hide his confusion. “I am. I don’t get it, I was just trying to help Ethan, I wasn’t trying to make Luke-”

Holden cut him off with a hand on his shoulder. “Luke was just upset, Noah. It must have been really scary seeing Ethan go into the water, and then you right after him.”

Noah’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Holden echoed with a smile. “He was worried, and helpless to do anything, and that caused him to get a little angry. Probably more at God and circumstances in general than actually mad at you.” He squeezed Noah’s shoulder, speaking softer. “He doesn’t want to lose you.”

Noah found himself gripping Luke’s hand tighter, reassuring himself or Luke or both. “He won’t.”

“I don’t doubt that,” that big I’ve-seen-the-world-and-know-what-I’m-talking-about Snyder grin was in full force. “We don’t want to lose you either, kid, got it?”

Noah nodded, wide eyed. “Yes, sir.”

Holden gave a little nod in return, standing up and heading to the door. “Try to get some more sleep, okay? You’re probably going to be feeling pretty crappy for a day or two.”

“Yes sir,” he said again, settling himself down a little more comfortably in the bed, maybe inching his way a little bit closer to Luke. “Want this day to be over.”

He hadn’t meant for Holden to hear him, but apparently he did. Holden chuckled deeply. “You and me both, kid. It’s not fun when you almost lose two members of the family in one day.”

He left before Noah could react to that, probably on purpose. Noah stared at the door for a few minutes before sinking back into his blanket cocoon. Luke was still holding his hand.

************

He’s pretty sure he’s blushing again, as he writes down

 **  
_9\. Family_   
**

He smiles over that word, loving the way it looks on paper. Well. He has to make the list an even ten, doesn’t he? The OCD nerd in him can’t let it be otherwise. But then, just as he writes the number down, a hand reaches into his line of vision and grabs the notepad.

“What’s this?” Luke grins, waving the papers around.

“Hey!” Noah tries to get it back, but Luke dances out of reach. Knowing it’s useless, and also knowing that the blush is probably permanently painted on his face now, he slumps back down on the couch, staring at his shoes.

Luke is doing a little victory dance at having successfully entered the apartment and snuck up on his boyfriend without getting caught, and so it takes him a few seconds to really read what’s on the paper. A list of… what, exactly? Another glance at Noah tells him it’s probably important, whatever it is. “What, is this a 10 Things I Love About You list?” he grins again. “What was number ten going to be?”

Noah doesn’t answer, still not looking up at him. His face is flushed a pretty deep red.

Luke softens, realizing how embarrassed he is. “It is, isn’t it?” he asks quietly, coming closer. Noah bites his lip, giving the tiniest of nods, fidgeting with the pen still in his hand. Luke smiles, picking up both the hand and the pen, directing Noah to fill in the last number on the list.

 **  
_10\. Love_   
**

He takes the notepad and pen and sets them on the coffee table, turning back to his boyfriend. Crawling onto the couch, he straddles Noah’s lap, arms going gentle around his neck. “That’s a pretty nice list,” he comments, ducking his head to catch Noah’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Noah watches him uncertainly.

“Lots of memories,” he continues. “Six years worth, huh?” At Noah’s nod, he smiles wider. “Lots of stuff we’ve shared together.” He scratches his fingers lightly against the nape of Noah’s neck, one of his favorite ways to get Noah to relax. (One of his favorite. The other favorite ways? Hopefully there’ll be time for that soon.)

Noah nods again, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. “Luke…” he stops, swallows hard, gathers his courage again. “Have I… have I given anything back to you like what you’ve given me?”

Luke’s heart thumps so loudly in his chest he’s surprised Noah can’t hear it. Sometimes he has to think that Noah isn’t actually Colonel Mayer’s son, and instead has truly been born out of those old movies he loved so much. Because really, who says stuff like that and sincerely means it? He leans in and kisses Noah on the nose. “Absolutely.”

“You sure?” Noah squints at him, even as his own hands come to rest on Luke’s lower back, holding him close. “You, what you’ve done for me…” he shakes his head. “I just can’t see how I could come anywhere close to that. I- I owe you  _everything_ , Luke.”

Luke kisses him again. “Do you really think I don’t get back everything on that list from you?” He keeps the smile on his face, encouraging. “Babe, I love you, but you’re a dumbass if you don’t know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Noah rolls his eyes, an involuntarily reaction to being called a dumbass (which Luke has done more than once). “It’s just… if I didn’t have you, I’d never have any of these things. But you would. I want to be able to give you something no one else can.”

It’s Luke’s turn to roll his eyes. “ _You do._  And I’m not just talking about the blow jobs.” Before Noah can completely give in to frustration, as he often does when Luke’s teasing goes too far, Luke barrels on. “Yeah, I have a family that loves me and supports me and all that. But see, they have to. You don’t.”

“Yes I do!” Noah turns insistent, shocked.

“No,” Luke smiles gently. “You don’t. You don’t  _have_  to. You  _choose_  to. And that means so much more than anything genetic.”

Noah’s face is apologetic, embarrassed. “I just want to make sure, that we’re, you know, partners and everything.”

“We are partners and everything,” Luke assures, settling down a little more comfortably on Noah’s lap. He ducks his head again, this time to kiss the underside of Noah’s chin, lips scraping wonderfully against stubble. “What brought this on?”

Noah hums a little as Luke continues to explore his neck. “Faith and Anthony broke up.”

“Really?” Luke lets out a satisfied chuckle. “Good. That guy was a selfish, pompous, assy, asinine prick who-”

“Assy asinine?” Noah’s body vibrates against Luke’s with his laugh. “Wow, Snyder, hit him where it hurts. With alliteration.”

“Shut up,” Luke doesn’t wait for Noah to follow his orders, going in for another kiss anyway. “And how does Faith finally getting rid of that jerk cause you to have this existential freakout?”

Noah shrugs, already starting to feel stupid about everything. “I don’t know, I was trying to make her feel better. Said a relationship was about a balance, giving and receiving and…” he trails off. “And I think it sounded way less cheesy when I said it to her.”

He laughs. He and Noah have been together for nearly six years, and while these moments of self-doubt still show up sometimes, luckily they are appearing less and less. And Luke loves being all affirming and smart. “Do you love me, Noah?”

Noah’s eyes go wide, flabbergasted. “More than anything!”

“Then there you go- you give me the greatest thing ever in the history of, like, all things given.” This time Noah leans forward to kiss him, and Luke is relieved to see happiness, maybe even confidence (dare he dream?), back in his face. “See? Anything you say I give you, I can say ‘same here’ right back.”

Those bright blue eyes roll dramatically. “Wow, you really like being clever, don’t you?” The smile on his face softens the teasing.

Luke nods decisively. “I really really do.” He reaches his hands out to grip the back of the couch, effectively trapping Noah. Then he pushes forward, kissing him more deeply this time, parting his lips easily. Noah offers no resistance, his hands sliding just a little bit lower down Luke’s back, fingers flexing and grazing their way under Luke’s shirt.

Luke smiles into the kiss, pulling back just enough to catch his breath before diving back in, cutting a trail of kisses along Noah’s jaw. And then, as one of his hands sneaks down to his own back pocket, he presses his lips to Noah’s ear. “Marry me,” he whispers into it.

Noah freezes against him. Luke moves his head back around to face him, meeting Noah’s shocked gaze head on. “Luke-”

Luke doesn’t let go, doesn’t move, and doesn’t let Noah move either. “Marry me,” he says again, louder and firmer.

Noah lets all the air out of his lungs in one short exhale, looking almost confused. “Is this just because I had a freakout? You don’t-”

Luke frees his hand from his pocket, pressing something into Noah’s. He watches, smile starting to form, as Noah looks down at his hand and the ring in it. He waits as Noah stares at it for what feels like hours. And hours. And then a few hours more. Then finally, just as Luke is about to start a freakout of his own… Noah smiles.

Luke echoes it with one of his own. “Marry me, or no more sex ever again.”

Noah laughs even as his eyes go suspiciously bright. “Such a romantic.”

“Hey, not all of us can make writing a list such a grand gesture, I had to try something else. Besides-” and this time Noah interrupts him with a kiss, so demanding and fierce and so loving that Luke could definitely make his own list just about that. It takes him a minute to get his bearings back, and then both of his hands go into Noah’s hair, tracing the slight curls with his fingertips. “You haven’t answered me yet,” he reminds.

And then Noah gets that smartass smirk on his face. (Not many people can pull off being a smartass and a dumbass at the same time, Luke notes, but Noah’s pretty damn good at it.) “Technically, you didn’t ask me anything,” Noah points out. “You  _ordered_  me, and I’m not sure that’s really the-”

Luke tugs on his hair, just enough to shut him up, then soothes it away with a kiss to his forehead. “Noah Oliver Mayer. Love of my life. Most beautiful, wonderful person I’ve ever met. Will you m-”

“Yes.” It feels like Noah’s arms are twenty feet long, wrapping around him a million times. “Yes. I’d do it right now if I could. Yes.” He’s never seen Noah’s face  _glow_  like this before.

“Good,” Luke suddenly has to choke out his words, his chest tight in the best way possible. This is it, this is for real. This is what he’s been obsessing about for the past three weeks since he went into that jeweler’s shop. He picks up the ring and starts to slide it onto Noah’s finger.

“Wait!” Noah puts his free hand on top of Luke’s. He looks up, eyes wide. “Not yet, not just me. You need a ring too, I need to get you-”

Luke has to shut him up again, squeezing his fingers as he kisses him, slowly and sweetly, until their lips are swollen and taste of each other. “It’s okay,” he murmurs with his lips still touching Noah’s. He reaches into his back pocket again and shows Noah a second ring. “Since we’re, you know, partners and everything, I figured it was only fair that we both get to wear jewelry.”

Noah shakes his head, rubbing his nose against Luke’s. “I love you,” he speaks in an exhale, as though he just can’t stop the words from escaping him.

Luke grins. “You better. You’re going to be my husband soon.”

It’s like saying a magic password. The way Noah’s eyes light up at the word is enough to make Luke weak in the knees and pretty much everywhere else too. He pulls Luke impossibly closer, the fingers of his free hand splayed wide against Luke’s back. “Say that again,” he almost-demands, voice cracking a little.

Luke smiles so big his cheeks ache, not sure whether he should push forward into Noah’s chest or back into Noah’s hand. “You’re going to be my husband,” he says a little breathlessly.

While Noah’s breath hitches at that, Luke takes the opportunity to slide the ring onto his finger, steadying Noah’s trembling hands so he can do the same with Luke’s ring. Noah looks down at the matching silver, clinks them together, then back up at Luke. “Say it again,” he whispers, small smile on his face.

“You’re going to be my husband,” Luke confirms it. “We’re going to get married.” Quieter, more serious, “We’re going to have our own family.” Then he reaches up and thumbs away the moisture under Noah’s eyes, and says the thing that means everything else he wants to say. Even as he does, Noah smiles and says it with him.

They say it a thousand different times, in a thousand different ways. “I love you.”

 

THE END


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